[ Without warning, without hesitation. Momo knows that it isn't easy for Sinistra to reach out, to allow himself tactility where isolation is a more preferable punishment— so he holds his ground when Sinistra threatens to topple him off-balance, with his heels in the pavement and his arms around the fragile rise of his friend's shoulderblades.
Momo catches, centers, and corrals. Pats along the length of Sinistra's spine, and tightens his grip just a fraction. ]
I've got you, I've got you. [ A low hum, and Momo rests his chin against his companion's mussed hair. ] Breathe, okay?
[ It's been a long debate over whether he should contact anyone at all. Momo was right. It was hard for him to reach out. He wasn't the one really hurting, was he? His was just residual. He was probably being childish.
Still, he felt like he was losing his mind right now. He needed pushed together before he could come undone.
He makes a sound of upset against Momo's shoulder and clings to him to keep his balance. ]
I am sorry... to bring you out here... I just...
[ needed someone he trusted. Needed comfort from someone who wasn't as involved with his brother. Momo was quickly becoming someone safe to him, so he seemed a perfect candidate. ]
[ Sinistra feels thin and cold against his chest; Momo makes friction with his palms, tries to transfer heat via osmosis.
He'd chastise Sinistra for the use of the word 'sorry' (he has half a mind to ban it for the day), but he doesn't want to lecture. Instead of saying anything, he makes a half-sound from the back of his throat, a mm? that encourages Sinistra to keep talking if he wants. Momo's listening.
He won't be the one to pull away first, by the way— Sinistra is stuck like this until he takes the first step to make distance. Until then, Momo will keep him caged there, right between his ribs and the scoop of his arms. ]
[ He'd be a liar if he said that the sensation of Momo trying to warm him up didn't make him feel a little better. He's been realizing, slowly, that his brother isn't the only one capable of comforting him. He's just the best one.
For now, he's not pulling away. He's staying tucked right here. At the very least, he clears his throat and tries to speak more clearly despite his quiet crying. ]
I know he is not well but it felt like being rejected again. It felt like I... I could do nothing for him. I...
[ 'He', 'him'. Sinistra doesn't even need to use Dextera's name for Momo to know that it's about him; the things that will hurt Sinistra the most will always be the things he can and can't do for his twin, Momo figures.
The soft crying against his shoulder makes Momo's heart clench in his chest. The rhythm he keeps along Sinistra's back slows to the tempo of an andante— the steady one-two of a heartbeat at rest. ]
It really hurts, huh?
[ Of course it does. Momo has no idea what could've happened, but it doesn't really matter; he doesn't ask for details until Sinistra is ready to give them. ]
[ The admission is heartening; it would've been worse if Sinistra insisted that it didn't hurt. There's sweetness in vulnerability— Momo is more than happy to stay close until Sinistra can find his footing again.
A light squeeze, and Momo pitches his voice low. ]
It's gonna be okay. Breathe.
[ He demonstrates. Inhale, exhale. ]
...You said Dextera wasn't 'well', right? Sometimes, when people are hurting... they say stuff to hurt other people too, because they don't know what else to do. It's not something they would do otherwise. It's like being sick. [ Another rub between Sinistra's shoulderblades. ] —And sometimes it's easier to lash out at people you love, because you know they'll forgive you. So don't worry, Sinistra.
[ Sinistra mimicks his demonstrated breathing for a long moment as he tries to calm down. At least his crying starts to even out, though he was hardly loud to begin with. ]
You said... you said something like that before. And I know, with the both of us, that we can get that way but...
[ He swallows so he can speak. ]
I am afraid that, in the end, he really will leave me behind. He says he couldn't do it. That he couldn't go on without me. But, if the opportunity appeared, he ...
[ His voice trails off. He's afraid of accusing his brother of such things, but it's happened before to some extent. And even still, he might deserve it. Or worse, he might not be worth it. It's all doubt and fear making his thoughts irrational, but he's full of them and unable to drown them out right now.
[ Familiar insecurities articulated in a different context. Momo is intimately familiar with the idea of being replaceable, which puts him in a uniquely unqualified position; who is he to tell Sinistra that his fears are unfounded?
Still, Momo's expression softens. One hand shifts upwards to bury itself in Sinistra's hair, to keep his forehead pressed against Momo's shoulder and to let him rest. ]
That really scares you, huh.
[ Being left behind, having Dextera move on. It's unhealthy, probably, to truly believe that they need each other to breathe, but. Again, pot, kettle, black.
Right now, Momo is here to listen. ]
Don't worry, Sinistra. Dextera's always gonna love you, no matter what.
[ he's relaxing and warming up which is better than he was doing on his own. His shoulders are more slumped than before. The cold is more than enough to keep him sunk into Momo's shoulder, but the hand is not unwelcome.
He nods his head slowly. It is terrifying. ]
I do not want to die again, but even if it means dying, I do not want to be ripped apart again....
[ 'Dying' seems like such an extreme topic of conversation, but Momo knows that Sinistra's already experienced what it feels like to be a punctuation mark at the end of a sentence. Still, as cruel as it is to tell someone to keep living, Momo wants this second chance to be something good for Sinistra. Trite, maybe, but that's how he feels.
His tone is lightly chastising, but it's mostly laced with resigned affection. He can't help it— he's always going to be soft on Sinistra. ]
It's been a rough day. Once everything settles down again, you can talk to Dextera and work it out. Give yourself time— right now, you're being hard on yourself.
But you did great. [ Again, Momo has no idea what the hell happened, but he's confident about this one point. He emphasizes it with a gentle sifting of his fingers through those messy black strands. ] You did your best, didn't you?
I just... I want to be a good brother to him. I thought I could get through to him, no matter the situation, but this time...
[ This time, his brother had turned on him the way he had turned on Dextera when he arrived. Except, unlike that time, Sinistra might not have fought. If Shiho had not been there, he probably would have let his brother choke the life out of him even if it meant breaking his promise with Minato.
He lifts his head up to peek over Momo's shoulder, looking out into the cold darkness with tired, red eyes. ]
Haha... sometimes people are stubborn. Good intentions don't always fix things, but like I said! With time and talking, I know you two can work it out. Don't give up!
[ Because that's the last thing Momo wants for Sinistra or Dextera: for one or the other to give up on each other, even if not giving up means that they have to work out all the things that make their relationship unhealthy or difficult to maintain. Even if they have to change, Momo doesn't want them to ever throw in the towel.
When Sinistra lifts his head from where it'd taken root against his shoulder, Momo tips his head and gives his friend a little breathing room. The hand buried in Sinistra's hair shifts to wipe some residual moisture from the corner of Sinistra's eye. ]
You did. You were there. You put yourself out there. [ A smile, and Momo rests his palm on Sinistra's forehead. ] I'm really proud of you.
[ Momo is just so... terribly positive. Guren is like that too, but with a meaner streak in him. They're both nonsensical. Sinistra fears, just a little, that he will fall into the same trap of believing deeply in the words of a person like this. It's what makes Minato and Estelle feel like threats in their own ways, too.
Right now, though, he's weak to it. To the idea that this person in front of him sees him as real. As capable of being something. As alive. He's wounded and Momo's encouragement is a salve.
He feels a little bad. Between the cold and his crying, his nose is running and his eyes are puffy. On his sickly pale face, he's sure it looks a mess. Losing composure in front of people feels wrong.
He's sniffling as he speaks. ]
Should I not ... be able to do more for him? Especially now?
[ It's worrying, yes, that Sinistra is so distressed, but beyond that— Momo is happy that he's not stewing in this alone, that he isn't sitting somewhere by himself, lonely and angry with his knees drawn up and his back to the wall.
Momo wipes Sinistra's face with his sleeve, then uses both hands to cup his face and bring their foreheads together. His lips never fall from their arch. ]
You can stay close to him, sure. But in the end, Dextera's the one that's gonna decide whether he wants you to do something for him or not, you know?
You can be there for him, but you need to take care of yourself, too. Okay?
[ Being forced to look at someone makes it harder to rail against them. It was selfish enough to call him out here. It would be even more selfish to try and argue.
He breathes again, the way Momo had showed him before, and lets their foreheads rest together. ]
I have told him that we need to be two people now. That I want to be my own self but... when something like this happens, I think it would be easier if we were one again.
Still, you are ... you are right, Momo. You are. I can't force him, can I?
Ahh, I think it's natural to have a hard time with stuff like that. I know what it feels like to be scared of not being around someone all the time, too.
But, yeah— you can't force him. So you have to treat yourself as kindly as you want to treat Dextera, for now. Things might not be 100% right now, but let yourself hurt about it before you get back up.
[ He shutters his eyes closed for a fraction of a second, contemplative and searching. ]
I'm sorry you guys got into a fight, but it's normal to do that. Trust me.
Is there someone you were torn away from too, Momo?
[ it's invasive but he can't help but ask after that. He'll accept a non-answer if that's what's given.
He lets out a soft sigh, swallowing against a small hiccup. ]
When... when I arrived here... That was the first time we ever spoke. When we were young and I was alive, we never could even though we were side by side. I think we both hoped we could pour out hearts out easily but we have only had trouble since that day.
[ The question dims Momo's smile for a whipcrack of a second. Big eyes open, and his brows furrow. Mildly troubled, but mostly honest. ]
It's a little different, for me. It's just that I miss someone that's not here right now.
[ It's not the same as dying, and it's not the same as being half of a whole. Momo's never going to be audacious enough to put himself on the same level as his duo partner; Yuki is almost like a deity to him, of sorts.
He thumbs along Sinistra's eye again, getting at the rest of those residual tears. ]
...You guys never got to talk, before? [ Man, that's rough; life was really unkind to these twins. ] Aah, of course there's a learning curve, then. Me and my big sis used to bicker about a ton of things, and I saw her almost every day for years.
[ That makes sense. Most people here probably feel that way. Why does Sinistra feel like this when the only person he could possibly miss is in the house behind them? How unfair.
He shuts his eyes as Momo wipes away the last remnants of his tears. He feels so much calmer now. It may have been a self-centered decision to ask him to come here, but it was probably a good one. ]
No. Because I was born without a heart, we could not be awake at the same time. The nurses said we would get very sick if we did. So... we only spoke in notes to each other.
[ 'A learning curve'. Right. He's still learning, isn't he? He only recently got his senses about him again. ]
[ Ah. No wonder they care for each other like this, then— they were born missing each other.
Momo was fortunate enough to have a steady stream of both wanted and unwanted communication with his blood relative, but it was a luxury for Sinistra and Dextera to exchange words; no wonder they're so careful around each other, fearful of ruining what they have.
A low exhale, and Momo pulls Sinistra into a hug again. ]
...My big sis would tell everyone that I was being stupid and unreasonable for being pushy with her, and that I should keep my big mouth shut. [ She would— he misses her, too. ] ...But once she cools off, she'd come apologize to me and bring me food.
You're not Ruri, though! You'll find your own way of fighting and making up. Until then, it's okay to stumble a little.
[ Sinistra lets himself be embraced again easily. His arms tighten around Momo and he holds on. He's trying to keep steady on the shaky ground this whole ordeal has created. ]
She sounds a little.... tense but not unkind.
[ Maybe a little too intense for him or his brother. ]
I believe you. I would not know what is normal anyway.
[ he tried to literally murder Dextera so ... who is he to judge? ]
Momo...
[ he's genuinely touched. He finds me might just cry again from Momo's overwhelming kindness. He pushes his face against Momo's neck and gives him a soft squeeze. ]
Thank you... so much. You came all the way out here and... how do I repay this? I have no idea.
[ What a sweet sentiment. Momo really doesn't need much from Sinistra, who is so out of the scope of Momo's sometimes-necessary give-and-takes; he just laughs at the suggestion that he did anything more than show up and listen.
He squeezes back, rocking the both of them side to side. ]
Don't worry about it. You can repay me by making up with Dextera! Let me see both of you smiling soon, okay?
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Momo catches, centers, and corrals. Pats along the length of Sinistra's spine, and tightens his grip just a fraction. ]
I've got you, I've got you. [ A low hum, and Momo rests his chin against his companion's mussed hair. ] Breathe, okay?
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Still, he felt like he was losing his mind right now. He needed pushed together before he could come undone.
He makes a sound of upset against Momo's shoulder and clings to him to keep his balance. ]
I am sorry... to bring you out here... I just...
[ needed someone he trusted. Needed comfort from someone who wasn't as involved with his brother. Momo was quickly becoming someone safe to him, so he seemed a perfect candidate. ]
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He'd chastise Sinistra for the use of the word 'sorry' (he has half a mind to ban it for the day), but he doesn't want to lecture. Instead of saying anything, he makes a half-sound from the back of his throat, a mm? that encourages Sinistra to keep talking if he wants. Momo's listening.
He won't be the one to pull away first, by the way— Sinistra is stuck like this until he takes the first step to make distance. Until then, Momo will keep him caged there, right between his ribs and the scoop of his arms. ]
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For now, he's not pulling away. He's staying tucked right here. At the very least, he clears his throat and tries to speak more clearly despite his quiet crying. ]
I know he is not well but it felt like being rejected again. It felt like I... I could do nothing for him. I...
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The soft crying against his shoulder makes Momo's heart clench in his chest. The rhythm he keeps along Sinistra's back slows to the tempo of an andante— the steady one-two of a heartbeat at rest. ]
It really hurts, huh?
[ Of course it does. Momo has no idea what could've happened, but it doesn't really matter; he doesn't ask for details until Sinistra is ready to give them. ]
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It's not as easy to do when his friend is soothing him like this. That's what he wanted, though, isn't it? ]
My chest hurts...
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A light squeeze, and Momo pitches his voice low. ]
It's gonna be okay. Breathe.
[ He demonstrates. Inhale, exhale. ]
...You said Dextera wasn't 'well', right? Sometimes, when people are hurting... they say stuff to hurt other people too, because they don't know what else to do. It's not something they would do otherwise. It's like being sick. [ Another rub between Sinistra's shoulderblades. ] —And sometimes it's easier to lash out at people you love, because you know they'll forgive you. So don't worry, Sinistra.
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You said... you said something like that before. And I know, with the both of us, that we can get that way but...
[ He swallows so he can speak. ]
I am afraid that, in the end, he really will leave me behind. He says he couldn't do it. That he couldn't go on without me. But, if the opportunity appeared, he ...
[ His voice trails off. He's afraid of accusing his brother of such things, but it's happened before to some extent. And even still, he might deserve it. Or worse, he might not be worth it. It's all doubt and fear making his thoughts irrational, but he's full of them and unable to drown them out right now.
That was, very likely, why he called Momo. ]
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Still, Momo's expression softens. One hand shifts upwards to bury itself in Sinistra's hair, to keep his forehead pressed against Momo's shoulder and to let him rest. ]
That really scares you, huh.
[ Being left behind, having Dextera move on. It's unhealthy, probably, to truly believe that they need each other to breathe, but. Again, pot, kettle, black.
Right now, Momo is here to listen. ]
Don't worry, Sinistra. Dextera's always gonna love you, no matter what.
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He nods his head slowly. It is terrifying. ]
I do not want to die again, but even if it means dying, I do not want to be ripped apart again....
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[ 'Dying' seems like such an extreme topic of conversation, but Momo knows that Sinistra's already experienced what it feels like to be a punctuation mark at the end of a sentence. Still, as cruel as it is to tell someone to keep living, Momo wants this second chance to be something good for Sinistra. Trite, maybe, but that's how he feels.
His tone is lightly chastising, but it's mostly laced with resigned affection. He can't help it— he's always going to be soft on Sinistra. ]
It's been a rough day. Once everything settles down again, you can talk to Dextera and work it out. Give yourself time— right now, you're being hard on yourself.
But you did great. [ Again, Momo has no idea what the hell happened, but he's confident about this one point. He emphasizes it with a gentle sifting of his fingers through those messy black strands. ] You did your best, didn't you?
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[ This time, his brother had turned on him the way he had turned on Dextera when he arrived. Except, unlike that time, Sinistra might not have fought. If Shiho had not been there, he probably would have let his brother choke the life out of him even if it meant breaking his promise with Minato.
He lifts his head up to peek over Momo's shoulder, looking out into the cold darkness with tired, red eyes. ]
Did I?
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[ Because that's the last thing Momo wants for Sinistra or Dextera: for one or the other to give up on each other, even if not giving up means that they have to work out all the things that make their relationship unhealthy or difficult to maintain. Even if they have to change, Momo doesn't want them to ever throw in the towel.
When Sinistra lifts his head from where it'd taken root against his shoulder, Momo tips his head and gives his friend a little breathing room. The hand buried in Sinistra's hair shifts to wipe some residual moisture from the corner of Sinistra's eye. ]
You did. You were there. You put yourself out there. [ A smile, and Momo rests his palm on Sinistra's forehead. ] I'm really proud of you.
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Right now, though, he's weak to it. To the idea that this person in front of him sees him as real. As capable of being something. As alive. He's wounded and Momo's encouragement is a salve.
He feels a little bad. Between the cold and his crying, his nose is running and his eyes are puffy. On his sickly pale face, he's sure it looks a mess. Losing composure in front of people feels wrong.
He's sniffling as he speaks. ]
Should I not ... be able to do more for him? Especially now?
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Momo wipes Sinistra's face with his sleeve, then uses both hands to cup his face and bring their foreheads together. His lips never fall from their arch. ]
You can stay close to him, sure. But in the end, Dextera's the one that's gonna decide whether he wants you to do something for him or not, you know?
You can be there for him, but you need to take care of yourself, too. Okay?
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He breathes again, the way Momo had showed him before, and lets their foreheads rest together. ]
I have told him that we need to be two people now. That I want to be my own self but... when something like this happens, I think it would be easier if we were one again.
Still, you are ... you are right, Momo. You are. I can't force him, can I?
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But, yeah— you can't force him. So you have to treat yourself as kindly as you want to treat Dextera, for now. Things might not be 100% right now, but let yourself hurt about it before you get back up.
[ He shutters his eyes closed for a fraction of a second, contemplative and searching. ]
I'm sorry you guys got into a fight, but it's normal to do that. Trust me.
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[ He looks down between them for a moment. ]
Is there someone you were torn away from too, Momo?
[ it's invasive but he can't help but ask after that. He'll accept a non-answer if that's what's given.
He lets out a soft sigh, swallowing against a small hiccup. ]
When... when I arrived here... That was the first time we ever spoke. When we were young and I was alive, we never could even though we were side by side. I think we both hoped we could pour out hearts out easily but we have only had trouble since that day.
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It's a little different, for me. It's just that I miss someone that's not here right now.
[ It's not the same as dying, and it's not the same as being half of a whole. Momo's never going to be audacious enough to put himself on the same level as his duo partner; Yuki is almost like a deity to him, of sorts.
He thumbs along Sinistra's eye again, getting at the rest of those residual tears. ]
...You guys never got to talk, before? [ Man, that's rough; life was really unkind to these twins. ] Aah, of course there's a learning curve, then. Me and my big sis used to bicker about a ton of things, and I saw her almost every day for years.
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[ That makes sense. Most people here probably feel that way. Why does Sinistra feel like this when the only person he could possibly miss is in the house behind them? How unfair.
He shuts his eyes as Momo wipes away the last remnants of his tears. He feels so much calmer now. It may have been a self-centered decision to ask him to come here, but it was probably a good one. ]
No. Because I was born without a heart, we could not be awake at the same time. The nurses said we would get very sick if we did. So... we only spoke in notes to each other.
[ 'A learning curve'. Right. He's still learning, isn't he? He only recently got his senses about him again. ]
What do you think your sister would do right now?
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Momo was fortunate enough to have a steady stream of both wanted and unwanted communication with his blood relative, but it was a luxury for Sinistra and Dextera to exchange words; no wonder they're so careful around each other, fearful of ruining what they have.
A low exhale, and Momo pulls Sinistra into a hug again. ]
...My big sis would tell everyone that I was being stupid and unreasonable for being pushy with her, and that I should keep my big mouth shut. [ She would— he misses her, too. ] ...But once she cools off, she'd come apologize to me and bring me food.
You're not Ruri, though! You'll find your own way of fighting and making up. Until then, it's okay to stumble a little.
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She sounds a little.... tense but not unkind.
[ Maybe a little too intense for him or his brother. ]
I am afraid of falling.
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[ His expression wrinkles into a smile, and he rubs between Sinistra's shoulders. ]
And if you fall, we'll be here to pick you right up. I promise that, too.
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[ he tried to literally murder Dextera so ... who is he to judge? ]
Momo...
[ he's genuinely touched. He finds me might just cry again from Momo's overwhelming kindness. He pushes his face against Momo's neck and gives him a soft squeeze. ]
Thank you... so much. You came all the way out here and... how do I repay this? I have no idea.
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He squeezes back, rocking the both of them side to side. ]
Don't worry about it. You can repay me by making up with Dextera! Let me see both of you smiling soon, okay?
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